About Today
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ipx8qWt2fVA
About today is one of my favorite songs. I listend to it at graduate school, when the 24–7 library was full and I felt smothered but still had to finish my homework until midnight.
About today — -It can be any day — when I felt sad and lonely, and that I was attracted to a smart and generous classmate in the die-hard telecommunication course but he wasn’t into me. Or whatever blue moody things that triggered by emotion. I wasn’t used to feel happy. Things were hectic and all over places.
The song brought a familiar sensation since little — -I am heading somewhere. I know that. But I feel lonely and scared. This song soothed me greatly.
So today, I feel desparately in need of attending cinemas. Bootcamp has sucked my energy, I felt so engaged. But also I need music, literture, yoga, swimming, languages, writing, art, meditation…Things that are just for fun. Not for jobs. Not for goals. The sole purpose is to serve me and making myself feel the moment, live the moment.
Although I’ve been doing this — -riding from my place to bookstores, sitting by the river for two consecutive days, out to the cafe, I still feel this is not enough. There’s an inner girl inside me keep dragging my coat and begged: please, please. I want to read. I want to sit in the cinema. I want to do yoga freely. I need to be back to my own retreat for a while. I can’t risk my own happiness built on reading novels taken away by the daily heavy schedule of the bootcamp. No way.
So I dropped my schedules. Right, let’s go. I took the inner girl with me. And we just rode on the streets daydreaming wandering and ate proper nourishing supper. It felt so good.
We, me and my inner girl, went to a hairsalon to have a hair cut, went to Starbucks and reviewed some lectures taught today, and went to the next-door cinema watching “Lola Rennt”, a classic German movie. It has always been a must-watch on my mind.
I am looking for that familiar flaneouse sensation in Europe— -that I would just slip into a warm fluffy armchair and be ready for a great movie or book. I am rarely lonely in Taiwan. Instead, the SpaceTime here is never void. Sounds, Talk, Meeting, Things to do. Goals. Hustles. Bustles.
The past few days were of no luck, I bought some books that felt interesting. But when I read them, the story lines were dragging me back to the world I came from. I need an imaginary world, maybe neolist to future, but is slight relevant to the modern world so that I imagine so as to arest for a while.
Margaret Atwood’s would be a great choice, but I finished them all. Huxley’s is too rational. And reading his books makes me upset. Our world hasn’t evolved much since he’s gone. No wonder he was a self-prophecy dystopian novelist. On Economics and investment, the topics I should be studying are over my head now. They talk about profits and gains and costs and utalitarism.No, I need something that, even if it’s not rewarding monetarily I could still feel content spiritually.Sci-Fi…No such personafication close enough to my real life that I can relate…
OK. After five layers of why philosophically with self-talk, I realized I was seeking something spiritual.
Weird as it seems, I choose “Silent Spring” by Rachel Carson and a podcast by Jay Shetty because I did think of being a nun someday. A classic. I haven’t had a read yet. But I assume they might be skeptically hopeful books that, by passing our goodwill delivering environmental protection and alternative values, the next generation can take over our heritage and keep working on to make themselves who they want to become.
