Dear Bettina

Dear Bettina,

Thank you for asking. I somehow felt like I need to answer your question more prudently.

I don’t know if I am doing better or not — -that I don’t dare say. But I do feel that I am accepting myself healthily.

In June I was studying with my high school friends to pass German exam, they were studying for being teachers and getting scholarships. So the familiar and soothing feeling I had back in high school were back — -I was able to concentrate on studying language, that gave me great strength to build a daily routine and get up early to meet the others in the morning to study.

And after returning from Barcelona, I was swimming everyday because that was the very efficient way to connect myself with the happy memory in Barcelona. So I swim everyday. And I found friendly and cute cafe with nice baristas that I could sit there and breathe. These routines all took a lot of time to build up.

Maybe also I isolate myself from the social media and make myself unreachable by phone or email. I do not have a proper filtering system yet, so I need to protect myself from being influenced and judged. Luckily one of my best old friends( from elementary school !)is so supportive for this, he is a psychiatrist.

I sometimes still have insomnia and panic attacks, and cannot deal with my emotions very well. But it’s okay. It’s there, it’s okay.

Most of the times I read, study, do yoga, go to bookstores, or meditate. I am now taking Dutch course, and attending a six-month bootcamp(a camp for becoming software developer).

Life is better, I guess.