How to be a woman — day2

Sorry my love, I was too delved into others’ thoughts that I forgot to write to you. Learning, conversation, trying to do at least one job application before bed…etc.

No excuse. I know you don’t want to hear this. So I am just gonna jumped directly to the topic today.

There’s no lesson, but a story I wanted to share with you. About building faith, and about trusting yourself, with the support of oneself.

I was talking to a friend the other day, I had so few that could pick up the emergency call — — that deep deep blue thoughts cut throught me — — she was Christian, so essentially calling her was just to make sure someone else was there to calm me down. (Because I don’t really agree with Christinianity. )

She told me that, what did I output in the past 3 years, after I quit Switzerland? She felt that I was exploring, and puzzled, but also learning so much.

“You’re not moving forward, if concluded from the result.”

“Time is ticking. “ Yes I agree. But I am not going anywhere if the destination is vague. She seemed to be more worried than me, that paternal worrisom.

That’s a very capitalistic way of putting it. Sure, I barely had income. But I finally had time to learn, read, and know that I have choices. I’ve always loved learning.

And amending relationships, building inner filter to really know what to listen and what to ignore, is not easy. I did amend relationship with my father. I just talked to him as little as possible, but let him know what I was doing was enough.

And I had a very fagile, high self-esteem heart made of glass. But now, I can sit there, listen to her preaching me to be either “an influencer, a sales, or a start-up boss. Just not engineer anymore.“

People say. People talk. People voice.

Is that our first-hand experience? Is that our profession to be giving advice? If not, then just treat it as noises.

I sat there, agreed. And then texted the other friends. Because now I need someone to say that, don’t listen to her.

So you see? Even after 3 years, I already almost quit panic attacks, I still need echo chambers, not just myself. That’s no lessen, just realisation.

Does that have to do with the identity of a female, quickly grabbing a societal role and “settle down”?

This is why I am against Christinaity or Catholics. It helps the general public to be a great screw in the society but it doens’t make people understand themselves better. It just tells people some guidelines that I don’t agree with — -no premarital sex, no whatsoever.

In some sense, believing in Jesus makes people generaly wealthy, because they’d be in the comfort zone with their companions and form a social network group — -and become lawyers, doctors, professors, heterosexuals.

So when she asked you, what is your contribution to the society? No offense.

I tell the truth and be honest with myself. Do you dare?

Hope you have a good day,

Stasy.