I haven’t rested well for a long long time

Efficiency, more efficiency, more achievements.

I had bad days these days. There were so many untold feelings holding me back, like, I am living in two universes — — — at-work, off-work doing these : preparing for job interviews, graduate school stuff, learning Dutch, writing blog…etc. The schedule is so full that when I eventually get some time to rest, I start to doubt myself if I am entitled to do so…….there are still so many things left undone.

No, baby, it’s all done. You even managed to take a trip down south to visit a friend and watched the whole series.

All these times — — — including having two interviews on the same week, stressed you out as the time zone were completely different. And you had to shuffle the work even earlier, fix the broken wifi, prepare for a whole day the scripts you wrote for the job interivews. Because sometimes, you found the interviews might lead to jobs, where jobs may be a way out of here.

And you know very well, no, it wouldn’t make you in a better place. But you still had to try, because you felt like you were not yet in the right place. You wanted to be back in Europe living, buying a house, finding a partner……All these things are so cliche that you don’t bother telling people “yes, I am traditional” But you just don’t tell them that these cliche stuff are supposedly taking place in Europe.

How do you know?

I just know it, from the way I dress, I talk, I read, I work…I just knew it.