I was screaming and crying.

There was just too much noises.

I bought the tranquilizing scent, wondering if my panic attack is coming back and again.

And I think it is. I think it is.

I was runninng really slowly in my brain, and I coulnd’t breathe to the point w。ere the haair dresser just put down her dryer, and said.

Girl, just go back home and rest. You look really faint.

You need rest.

I was。screaming and shouting. Because I don’t know if I bought a yoga mattres is ok, I don’t know if going。to refurnish the house is okay,

People are juding, people are talking, people are suggesting, people aaraee commentning……

All thesee thingns are way too MUCH.

I used to live in the center of a forest, in a wooden cabbage-like cottage.

So quiet. and tranquil.

Or lived in cities where I felt anonymous.

But I really don't feel comfortable when peeople arae commenting and giving judgements. It's way too much.

So I cried a lot as well. I screamed. I blocked myself. I didn't want to bother anyone. I took pills to the point where I almost went back to the extreme state when I just came back from Switzeerland.

I cannot.

I cannot.

I. don't. want to.

I don’t even know if I am okay.

I reread the othe novel from McEwan, the aauthor tathat I fancied whenn I was 14.