It Ends With Us
I thought it was going to be a light romantic comedy, something like “Eternal Love in Space and Time,” but it wasn’t. It turned out to be a story about domestic violence and marital rape, wrapped around a narrative of a woman who feels no attachment to her deceased father. She ends up replicating her mother’s pattern of self-deception until she meets her first love, which makes her realize that she needs help.
I started to notice how, in the film, the conversations between lovers can be so simple — reduced to nothing but sex or lines like, “How are you?” “Are you happy?” “I’ve been thinking about you.” There’s also the politeness of questions that get half-asked, like, “Mom, why did you marry Dad?”
Maybe it’s an American thing — American culture, American politeness, American films. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a lack of depth in the dialogue, except for one scene where the protagonist, after giving birth, holds her baby and says to her husband, “I want a divorce.”
“If our daughter grows up and meets someone who pushes her down so hard she temporarily loses her memory, but he still forces her to say she’s okay, what then? If she doesn’t want to have sex, but her partner forces it, what then? If the person she loves hurts her, what would you tell her?”
The husband stays silent for a long time and finally says, “Tell her to leave him.”
That was the most profound conversation in the movie.
I don’t know if it’s because of the movie, or maybe even real-life couples, but their dialogue seems to be at a beginner’s level of English. Even the information exchanged between colleagues far outweighs the depth of communication between lovers.
Yes, I am happy.
No, I’m not sure.
Then they sleep together. The end.
Until the protagonist realizes that her handsome neurosurgeon husband, aside from his good looks and professional success, is a perpetrator of domestic violence and marital rape. Despite the fact that, yes, her husband accidentally shot and killed his brother when he was six, thinking the gun was a toy, which led to his obsession with sex and made him something of a male temptress.
But she didn’t know any of this until just before they were about to get married. As I watched, I was shocked. For someone you know so little about — perhaps living in the moment is okay — but learning significant details about their life through their family? If it were me, I’d take a step back and really think about how honest we were with each other. But this is a movie, a novel, I reminded myself. Though my life once felt like a movie or novel.
They had to wrap the story up in two hours, so of course, there was no time for too many heartfelt conversations.
This made me wonder — should we be more utilitarian and think about what the purpose of a “partner” really is? Otherwise, how can we let sex and material convenience replace so much of the real moments and dialogue in life, beyond just going to a bar to open up?
What I thought of is that a partner’s role is to reduce uncertainty in both body and mind.
If there’s someone who always replies to your messages, it’s like having a compass in the vast world, one you’ve chosen yourself.
People say love isn’t a choice.
But I think love is a choice.
Why? Let’s start from the chance encounters. Maybe it’s at school, maybe at work, maybe through a friend of a friend — how did you meet that friend, step into that circle?
School is a choice we made through our own efforts. The workplace is also a choice we made. Friends are our own choices, too.
Then come the places — airports, coffee shops, bookstores, bars, student cafeterias, offices. What are the odds of you being there?
That’s also your decision. Then the airline helps you decide. It seats a similarly aged but different gendered person next to you, hoping to spark an encounter. It feels like fate — but no, it’s business.
Because next time, you’ll fly the same airline again, and you’ll bring a companion. Double the profit.
But the music in this movie is beautiful, the scenes are meticulously crafted, and the flower shop is really lovely. The themes explored are deep, subtly brought out through passing dialogue and expressions, perhaps touching on topics American society isn’t ready to confront yet, which I think is quite remarkable.
Conclusion: It’s a healing movie you can watch before a Friday night meeting in your executive master’s program. The next day, you wake up feeling nearly hungover because you stayed up until midnight discussing cybersecurity penetration tests and the world’s top certifications with your classmates in Singapore. And you had already been up since 3 AM for work on Friday. You’re exhausted, but happy. For the first time in a while, you’re not too afraid of Friday night.
我以為那是類似「永恆時空的愛戀」之類的浪漫輕鬆喜劇，但不是。原來是婚內家暴婚內性侵的故事，包裝在一個對逝去父親毫無眷戀的女生的故事。她複製了媽媽自欺欺人的模式，終於遇見初戀，讓她意識到自己需要幫助。
我開始發現，電影中情人的對話內容可以很簡單，簡單到除了性之外，便是「你好嗎？」「你快樂嗎？」「我一直想著你。」還有問到一半就不問下去的禮貌，「媽媽，你當初為什麼和爸爸在一起？」
也許這是美式文化，美式禮貌，美式電影。但我總覺得，少了深刻的對話，除了女主角產後抱著嬰兒，問先生說，「我想要離婚。」
「如果我們的女兒長大以後，遇見了一個把她推倒，她暫時性失憶，卻還要強迫她說她沒事呢？如果她不想要做愛，但她的對象霸王硬上弓呢？如果她愛的人傷害她，你會告訴她什麼？」
丈夫沈默許久，說，「叫她離開他。」
這是電影裡最深刻的對話。
我不知道這是不是因為電影，或者甚至是真實情侶間的對話，都像是初級英文程度一樣的對話。連同事之間對話的資訊量都遠遠多過情人間的對話資訊量。
是，我快樂。
否，我不確定。
上床，結束。
直到女主角意識到，她愛上的初婚丈夫，除卻帥氣與神經外科醫師的身份之外，是個婚內家暴與性侵者。儘管，僅管，她的丈夫在六歲那年，誤把槍當成玩具殺死了哥哥，自此沈溺於性，也的確成為一個男版尤物。
但這些，一直到要結婚前，女主角都不知道。我邊看邊震驚，對一個所知甚少的陌生人，也許我們活在當下沒錯，但是對於對方具有重大意義的事件，我們卻經由他們的家人口中得知 — — -如果是我，我會退一步，好好思考我們對彼此坦誠的程度。但這是電影與小說，我提醒我自己。雖然我的生活曾經堪比電影小說。
他們要在兩小時內把故事說完，當然不能有太多浪費時間的知心對話。
這讓我想到，我們是不是應該更功利主義一些，思考「伴侶」的作用是什麼？否則怎麼可以單純因為性，與便利的物質生活，便少了許多生活真實時刻的相處與對話，除了去酒吧敞開心房？
我想到的，伴侶的作用，是降低身心的不確定性。
如果有一個傳訊息必回的對象，就好像在廣袤的世界裡，你有一個可以校準的指南針，而且是你選過的。
人們說愛情不是自己選擇的。
我倒覺得，愛情是自己選擇的。
為什麼？從認識的機運開始看，也許在學校，也許在工作場所，也許在朋友的朋友的介紹 — — — 那我們怎麼認識那個朋友，踏進那個圈子的？
學校是我們自己努力過後的選擇。工作場所也是自己努力過後選擇。朋友也是自己的選擇。
再來是場所，機場，咖啡店，書店，酒吧，學生餐廳，辦公室。有多少機率你會在那裡？
那都是你決定的。再來，航空公司幫你決定。他幫你把相同年紀但不同性別的異性排在鄰近位置，為了讓乘客有火花艷遇，以為是天命 — — — 不，是商機。
因為你下一次還會搭同一個航班，而且還攜了一個伴。兩倍利潤。
但是這部電影的歌很好聽，場景很精緻，花店真的很漂亮。探討的主題很深刻，透過輕輕帶過的對話與表情，把也許美國社會尚未準備好要探討的主題帶出來，我想，已經很不得了了。
結論。這是一部週五在職碩班開會前可以看的療癒電影。隔天你近乎宿醉地醒來，因為你在和新加坡同學討論Cybersecurity penetration test 與各種世界頂級選手的證照，你一路說到十二點，而你週五三點便起床去上班了。你已經累壞了，但你很高興，這是好久一來第一次，你不太害怕週五晚上。
