Sense of Insecure, Oracle

There’s a novel called “Oracle” written by Margerette Atwood. A woman, the protagonist, is a control freak and always needs to control everything in her life — — to the point of her death.

So she managed her death properly, navigated such that her death is properly official in Canada, and then fled to another land. To start over again with her lover.

At the point of her landing, she got arrested.

In another scenario, the “Oracle” is the woman in the movie series Matrix, who’s a fortune teller. So wise that she knows what to say, what to keep silent.

When thinking of the oracle, I felt secured. She knows and sees the future, and she soothes the restless Trinity, the girl who didn’t know what to do with her new Colleague, Niel.

So here it is. I was thinking, as always, about such insecurity, about where it comes from, and why did I let myself be instilled such sorrows and worries instead of all the joys I could have had.

I am in a bootcamp, realizing the learning process I wanted to do for three years, to simply learn how to build websites, write codes. Originally I thought of it as a new career, but as time spans, I wanted more. I thought I actually wanted the new tool to be used to build something meaningful, to make things happen. Such as, establish a website for kids who want to learn or for those who want to pursue studies abroad but didn’t know where to start…….Things started to popped up on my mind, and I want to realize them.

It’s almost as if I felt insecure relying on only one operational System. I’ve always stuffed myself with loads of to-dos so that I woulnd’t be left behind. But I never really know what I wanted. Windows is not enough, MacOS is not enough, Linux maybe. And one language is not enough, two languages are not enough, maybe three.

The great insecure, hopefully one day, could be transferred to a sense of prupose propelling me to forge on against the odds.