So we ran our course.

We lost ourselves to the time. I have loved you. You went for PhD. You love your parents and country almost like a religion.

And you changed a lot for me. Just for me. You broke up with your ex. She did a lot for you. You said you guys wouldn’t work out because her family is peasant, and yours is intelligentsia.

That I never understand. Maybe you just didn’t love her that much.

But hey boy, I had a crush on the first day we were grouped to do experiments together. You walked me through the campus, answered my questions with an unguarded heart. I loved you crazily. All my friends knew that, they saw that.

They saw us walking in imec, asking me if I was dating you. I said no, “he has his life, and I have mine.”

And boy, you continued your PhD, broke up with your ex, flew to see me.

I didn’t know how to reject you. But I felt so heart broken and hectic. I did love you, and I appreciate your kind deeds and humor so much. I really do.

But what if I continued to talk to you? I would fall for you, but I once dreamts of me marrying you.

The next morning I woke up crying, snobbing. I love you, but I don’t see myself marrying you. You always put your parents and country first. We made this far. We ran our course.

Same thing happened over and over again. I fell in love with a boy, he fell in love with me. But that never happened at the same time. Either one is much later, or one is much earlier. And I lost affections, thinking that I should just live with myself. That’d make life so much easier.

I moved, we moved, Louis, Ran, and Phillip. I always got cold feeted. I am sorry. I promise, next time, I will be a free open-minded friend, treating the boy nicely and lovingly, as a certifitied real lover. Like real lovers do.

But now, I do, and will always love you as a friend.